Who To Trust

Today I hope I can help you understand who you can trust.

I don’t want you to live in fear of everyone. Living requires courage, but we can also use our brains.  We can use good judgment by being aware that there are many people who DO NOT have YOUR best interest at heart.  

Please understand, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Let trustworthy adults help you.  You are underage and your brain is still developing, so you NEED to surround yourself with trustworthy ADULTS!  

You can know if someone is trustworthy when they want what’s best for YOU!  Trustworthy adults have the wisdom and skills to help you become your best self, and don’t abuse, isolate, shame, or use you.  Although they are not perfect, these amazing individuals are rooting for you, making the world a better place for you, trying to become wise and prepared for you, and sometimes even fighting for you.  

Form a tribe of trustworthy adults!

When I was growing up I knew my parents would try to do what was best for me.  Even though they aren’t perfect, I knew that they expected me to have strong character, had strong boundaries, and when I needed love they were there with arms wide open.  I also had dance teachers and public school teachers that wanted to help me succeed.  Many of my older cousins were great mentors when I wanted someone outside of my parents to talk to.  My grandparents were excellent examples and I have always valued their perspectives.  When my mental health was collapsing in my early 20’s I reached out to specialists who had the tools to help me recover.  

Who is in your tribe of trustworthy mentors?  If you’re needing more ideas maybe you should check out my blog post on mentors.  My mentors might not be the same as your mentors, so don’t assume that just because someone is family or looks nice that they want what’s best for you.

There have also been people in my life that I have not trusted.  I didn’t trust kids who tried to lower my standards.  There was a middle school teacher that all the girls didn’t feel comfortable around and didn’t trust.   I had other family members that although I loved them, I did not trust their opinions or their decision making skills, so I chose not to be alone with them.

While good friends are indispensable, be sure to communicate and seek guidance from adults who are equipped to help you stay safe.  Alert them whenever you see anything suspicious, dangerous, or uncomfortable.  As the world continues to evolve it’s important you keep your conversations going.  Sometimes you will make sad mistakes, but your trustworthy mentors aren’t here to judge you. Communicating often feels scary, but open and honest communication builds clarity, confidence, safety, and trust.

You should only interact online with those you KNOW and TRUST in real life.  Never communicate or interact with strangers in online chatrooms or private messages.  There are many dangerous people online who want to hurt or abuse kids through any means necessary.  Child grooming is when abusers befriend and establish an emotional connection with a child (or the child’s family) with the objective of sexual abuse, abduction, and/or extortion.  Child predators try to look and sound kind, young, fun, and innocent, they may even be a neighbor, friend, family member, or respected community member.  However, if someone tries to isolate you from your friends and family, shows you pornography, requests revealing photos/videos of you, touches you inappropriately, emotionally abuses you, wants you to keep secrets, or offers illegal substances to you, then you are dealing with a child predator.  If this happens, inform your trustworthy mentors immediately.  They will be able to help you.

Protect yourself by being EXTREMELY cautious and picky about what you record, post, or share online.  Once things are shared on the internet, they can be almost impossible to track down and remove.  Protect others by not recording, publishing or forwarding any private, personal, or embarrassing media or information.  The self-esteem of kids around you could be hanging by a thread, so never participate in hurtful online groups, jokes, trends, or activities.  Don’t hesitate to report any signs of harmful content, cyberbullying, or abuse.

Abuse is often manipulative and confusing.  Abusers will try to make you think you are to blame.  Remember, child predators try to appear kind and innocent to the people around them.  They want you to feel embarrassed and ashamed so that you stay silent, but it is NEVER your fault if someone hurts, manipulates, or abuses you.  Adults are responsible for protecting you!  Even if you think you’ve done something wrong, reach out to your trustworthy mentors for help.

Staying safe online requires you to accurately label what you see.  If you are unsure, ask.  Don’t dismiss or justify hurtful, dangerous, or suspicious content.  If you see images/videos intended to arouse sexual feelings, CALL IT PORNOGRAPHY.  If you see people picking on someone, CALL IT BULLYING.  If someone is sexually soliciting to you, CALL THEM PREDATORS.  Think critically.  Remind yourself that ALL social platforms are businesses with agendas trying to make money.  They want to hold your attention and convince you into buying their ideas.  Businesses, people, and advertisements aren’t inherently bad, but you need to be careful.  Don’t be tricked by marketing strategies, filters, fake accounts, pretty pictures, clever wording, belittling, comparisons, and paid advertisements.  Be honest with yourself about your own motives.  Ask yourself, is what I’m inviting into my life is actually edifying or uplifting?

Words cannot describe how much I believe in you!  You are worthy or good friends and trustworthy mentors.  If you have them, keep them close, if not keep searching.  There are amazing people all around the world ready to help you!