True Strength
Happy Father’s Day
I’m about to head out to girls camp, but this week I’ve been thinking about a conversation I had with a student. A couple of months ago a 5th grade student yelled at another boy in the middle of class over a small disagreement. Dual immersion kids are often my best classes, because most of the parents are present enough and aware of their child (hence why they sign them up to practice two languages in school), but this class had a group of boys that were deeply insecure. Before I sent them off to their homeroom teacher I took a moment to talk with this student. He was ready with his frustration and excuses until I bent down to meet his eye level and asked, “Es así como ser un hombre?” (Is this how to be a man?). He immediately knew he had no case and responded with a very quiet, “No.”
Berne Brown once said, “Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness elicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak.”
Isn’t this the truth? There is so much pressure on men to not have or show any sign of weakness.
For me it’s been important to teach boys how to be and feel strong and capable amidst conflict, failure, and challenges.
Here are some of the thoughts my student and I shared.
Strong people don’t push away negative feelings, they feel, understand, and oftentimes lean into them. Think about how professional athletes don’t run away from painful work out, they lean into the pain and become more capable to perform in their sport.
Strong people do hard things. This may sound silly, but I feel like the world is totally backwards at identifying what’s actually hard. It’s easy to fight and scream. The hard/strong thing is to create peace. It’s easy to give up. It’s impressive to keep going even when you fail. Strong men show up and keep showing up even when it’s challenging.
Strong men say sorry. It’s easy to come up with excuses or blame others. It’s more impressive to be a kind communicator and to admit when we were wrong so that we can improve.
Strong men have morals. Strong men tell the truth and are disciplined. It’s easy to lie, and not control your actions and urges.
For Father’s Day I just want to end by saying that as a teacher I know the power of a present parent (see my mothers day post). I know that having a mom and a dad that continue to show up and do hard things is a big deal.
I’m extremely grateful I have a father who keeps showing up for me again and again. He not only taught me and my siblings the value of hard work, but to love the hard work.
My dad also taught me how to love learning. When school was hard, he made it fun. He has always been an example of wanting to learn more. In elementary school he loved hearing about what I did in school, in middle school he would recite poems to us in the car, in high school he motivated me to get up early in the morning and go running, and as an adult he’s always supported me in all of my projects.
Lastly, today I’m grateful that I had a father that has always helped me with my goals and for creating a vision for my future. Just last week, my dad took the time to come council me. He reminded me to keep my priorities on what truly mattered and I want to finish by sharing what he told me.
“In all my years of work I have been totally replaceable, if my clients hadn’t worked with me they would have just worked with someone else; But showing up for your mom and showing up as a father for you kids is only something I can do.”
Thanks for showing up dad. I hope we can have more examples of strong men like you.
I love you.