Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone out there!
This week I’ve been pondering all the moms that I’ve been so blessed to know and work with as a teacher, life coach, and daughter. I have no idea how moms do everything they do, and I worry about all the things I’ll forget to include in this blog post, but I wanted to share some of the biggest things I’m grateful for.
As a teacher I want to say thank you to three specific kinds of moms.
Moms that are there. I know it’s simple but I can’t even tell you the difference it makes when a mom picks their child up from school instead of the day care bus, or when they show up to parent teacher conferences, or attend even small school performances. I’ve literally watched the fear wash away from countless kids’ faces as they’ve located their parents in an audience. Even tiny things like putting phones away, looking your child in the eye, being a sounding board when your child is having a tough time, taking the time to bake cookies, saying good job, or being available to give open armed hugs are a big deal. Moms, you can’t be everywhere all the time so cut yourself a break. Kids don’t need you to be at everything, in fact it does them a lot of good to have independent space, just know that your consistency is helping grow peaceful, confident, and reliable kids.
Moms that are willing to do and say hard things. This week I’ve been studying some of Jesus’ “hard sayings”, and I realized that much of the peace he gave was more like a hard rock instead of a warm hug. Boundaries and discipline are a big deal. I’m so grateful for moms that say no, have normal healthy boundaries, require respectful and kind human behavior, and encourage hard work. I’ve never been a mom so I can only imagine how difficult it must be, but as teachers we’ve always been keenly aware of the impact the home has on the student. Every time you’ve leaned into difficult moments with your child you’ve helped future teachers, peers, friends, roommates, employers, employees, communities, and generations.
Moms that laugh and smile. I know that many of you moms are facing incredibly hard challenges right now. Sometimes your challenges feel so big that even putting a smile on or laughing feels like moving a mountain, but I just want to say thank you for every and any smile and laugh you’ve ever shared. Like Og Mandio said, “[Smiles] will soften the coldest clay.” Every teacher knows that when mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.
I also want to give the 4 biggest things I’m grateful for as a Confidence Coach for teenagers. I love that I get to support parents for my job, and luckily for me my clients’ parents have been super easy to support. I feel so grateful for all the parents I’ve been lucky enough to work with.
Moms that aren’t afraid of their child’s feelings. By not being afraid of negative emotions they help their children understand themselves. Instead of swooping in they encourage their child to lean into, self soothe, and face their own challenges. I love it when parents encourage children to get jobs, apologize, talk to intimidating people, pay for or repair things they’ve broken, take more responsibility, and attack seemingly impossible goals.
Moms that don’t try to improve their child’s self-confidence by giving them things. The mental health of our kids doesn’t depend on their clothes, makeup, hair, friends, or cars; it depends on their beliefs about themselves. I’m all about an ice cream cone on a sad day, but I appreciate parents that understand that more, bigger, or newer things doesn’t mean more happiness. I love it when moms don’t feel the need to give their children toys in order to help them to have fun, understand when their children have enough clothes, and are slow to give their kids phones or makeup.
Moms that have fun! This might sound really silly but teaching your kids how to plan activities, invite people to join you, and to have fun in mature and safe ways will do more for your child’s social life than you can possibly imagine. P.S. This is also me giving moms everywhere more permission to go have fun! Find and do things you love.
Moms that take responsibility for their own emotions. The best way we can help kids become emotionally mature is by demonstrating how. Many kids think they are responsible for their parents' emotions, or don’t know how to create positive emotions when people do things they don’t agree with. As a teacher I’ve had to develop an incredibly neutral face to even the most wild actions of my students. Even with my most challenging students, my ability to feel calm has allowed me to have extremely strong class rules and boundaries, think critically, feel lots of love, and become more reliable for my students. I’m so grateful for every time a parent responds calmly to their child, feels their urges instead of acting on them, and creates powerful emotions amongst challenges.
As a wife I’m grateful for a mother in law who is very smart and raised a very capable son. As a granddaughter I’m grateful for the faith of my grandma Anne and the laughter of my grandma Nettie. These women have contributed a lot to my life and I’m so grateful.
And lastly I wanted to share some of my favorite traits of my amazing mother, Laura Pinnock.
My mom was excellent at allowing me to be a kid. She kept me safe and put me in wholesome activities. I hate all the crap kiddos have to face now, and I wish so badly for them to have a true happy healthy childhood. As a child I had time to wonder, create, and laugh and for that I’m truly grateful.
My mom has always been brilliant at asking lots of questions. I’ve talked about this with many of my friends, but she has always been great at talking through difficult social, political, emotional, and spiritual problems. She was sincere in wanting to hear my opinions and her curiosity has made it so much easier for me to talk about difficult topics. I love her desire to hear the opinions of others, and how she’s willing to lean into hard situations.
One thing I’m extremely grateful for is how my mom taught me so many life skills! She is the ultimate homemaker. I’m so grateful for the sacred way she made our home beautiful, clean, and organized. She has always believed and loved serving people through hosting and it’s one of her incredible gifts. As a teacher I’ve especially appreciated this as I’ve been surprised by how many students don’t know how to take care of themselves. I’ve had to teach kids how to brush their teeth, cut their nails, use deodorant, throw things away, and use cleaning supplies. I’m grateful for even the little ways my mom taught me how to wrap gifts, cut ribbons, set a table, and ice a cake. Just the other day I had her over to help me understand how to hang my art. My ADHD brain is especially grateful that I was taught the power of decluttering and organizing.
I will always give my mom credit for keeping me alive when my mental health decomposed. She carried me through many of my darkest moments and for that I will forever be grateful. She kept me going when I didn’t want to, saw my value even when I couldn’t, and was a rock when my mental health turned into sand.
Lastly, I’m extremely grateful for my mom’s faith in God. Her love of and her relationship with God inspired me to grow my own faith and powerful spiritual experiences. She has always valued having a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven, and I’m grateful for the time she spent teaching us to grow spiritually. She is a huge example of reading, pondering, and praying. I remember once as a teenager she came to me after a long argument and said, “I know I’m struggling to be the best mom I can be. Would you mind praying for me every once and a while? I need all the help I can get.” She has always been good at redirecting herself towards her Savior and for that I’m so grateful.
There are so many other things I could list, and many more amazing qualities found in every single mother out there, but I mostly just want to say thank you for doing the hardest job in the world. Keep going! You’re doing it. Remember that any good trait that you have or have developed is there for your child’s taking. Even just observing our mothers is like an incredible college course. Children get hundreds of hours to study your strengths. Thank you for the years and years of love and dedication.
Happy Mother’s Day!