How To Throw Pots & Make Friends

Socially maturity is a numbers game

I’ve taken a variety of pottery classes throughout the years.  I love it!  It’s so fun!  I still remember the first day of high school ceramics.  I remember having the class with a few of my friends and how ridiculous our animal sculptures were, I remember the kid that sat across from me who I didn’t dare look at because he always wore sunglasses and I couldn’t tell where he was looking, and I still remember a story our teacher told us on the very first day of class.

The story was about a professor who conducted an experiment by grading his first class by how perfect their pots were, and the second class by how MANY pots they made in the semester.  To his surprise the pots from the class graded on perfection weren’t nearly as good as the class that made many pots.  As you can imagine, from then on the teacher only graded based on how many pots students made.

I’m sure you get the moral of the story.  Trying to do something “perfectly” isn’t as effective as having lots of experience.  It makes sense.  The more you try and learn, the better you become. 

Now, here’s why I’m bringing it up, because while teenagers sense how practice and experience help with sports, art, and school, many kids forget about it when it comes to their social interactions.  Instead, they WAIT for the “perfect” opportunities, for others to approach them, and till they know the “perfect” way to prove how witty, cute, and cool they are.

Unfortunately, waiting can be a waste, because building healthy social skills is a NUMBERS GAME!  I’m not saying it’s all quantity and no quality, but I want you to understand making mistakes is just part of the journey to becoming a socially strong human being.  The great news is that if you keep showing up with kindness and integrity, even if you fail a bunch, you’re going to create positive experiences and you’re going to get better at it.

There’s a reason people on the same sports team or club have a higher chance of becoming friends, it’s because they’ve spent endless time getting to know each other!  Even if they’re shy or do something embarrassing, that experience is followed by many many other positive experiences.  The difficult experiences are even chances for them to grow closer together.

Our teen years are a time of social maturity and change.  Think about it.  Instead of parents planning activities, teenagers start making their own plans.  Which means, teenagers need to LEARN & PRACTICE how to reach out, invite, get phone numbers, ask on dates, interview for jobs, have mature conversations, hang out, and meet kids from other schools.  Teenagers even practice new lingo.

Many kids are way too critical of themselves.  After a couple bad or awkward situations they shut down and think there is something wrong.  They think that all the other kids know what they are doing and label themselves as awkward, introverted, and weird.  I have to explain to them that they feel “weird” because doing new things feels uncomfortable.  Introducing yourself, asking people questions, and calling a new friend on the phone will feel weird for a while, just like how it felt weird walking for the first time.

Looking back, I laugh at the time a cool kid at school tried to congratulate me for something I had won by trying to fist bump me in front of all of his friends.  I don’t think anyone even says fist bump anymore, but let me tell you something, I acted so awkward!  There wasn’t something wrong with me or my hand, I had just never done it before, and this boy had obviously done it a million times.  Luckily, I just laughed at myself and just kept working on it.  I kept fist bumping people, I kept reaching out, I kept talking to that kid, and with practice I grew more comfortable.

My fist bump story is 1 of many awkward social interactions I’ve had and I know I’m not alone.  All socially mature adults had to figure out everything you’re working on right now.  Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable, but I just keep reaching out, I keep smiling and being interested in other people.

So, don’t give up.  Don’t put negative labels on yourself.  Instead of being self-conscious, be curious.  Notice what’s helping others build true friendships.  If you make a mistake, have your own back and get back up!

You’ve got this.

PRO TIP:  The faster you can do this process the faster you will grow!  If you want to make new friends this year, instead of talking to 1 new kid a day, you should try talking to 5 new people in each class.  If you want to do fun activities don’t wait till your birthday, plan something for this weekend.  If you are kind and resilient it will work out!  Kind and honest teenagers will see your value even through your mistakes.

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When have you had an awkward experience and just kept going? What helps you to keep going when you make mistakes in front of other people?

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