Panel of Mentors
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” -Proverbs 29
Hey, I’ve got a question for you. Who are your mentors?
Growing up my dad took me on many daddy daughter dates. On the date we would eat and talk about everything going on in my life. He asked lots of questions but one he would ask quite consistently was, “Who is on your ‘panel of mentors’?” “Panel of mentors” was his way of saying people I looked up to. Like many teenagers, I would sometimes try to avoid deep questions by saying, “I don’t know,” but he was serious. He wanted to know who I looked up to, who I wanted to become, and who I spoke to when I wanted help. Looking back I realize how lucky I was to have such an invested father.
So today, I have the same question for you.
Who is on your panel of mentors?
Who are you trying to emulate? Who do you look up to? When people ask you who you want to be, who comes to mind?
Maybe it’s a family member, teacher or neighbor. Maybe it’s a close friend, but maybe it’s someone you’ve observed from afar. It’s nice to have people to talk to but sometimes all you need is an example. Now, I have a panel of mental mentors to lean on when I’m looking for advice in different areas. Although I’m not with them I recognize their character and wisdom and I’m grateful for their example showing me better wiser ways. If you want to know who you’ll become, you should get to know who you emulate. How YOU THINK about other people is always a reflection of yourself, so who are you listening to, following, or fangirling over?
It’s pretty common for me to ask my clients to give me their own panel of mentors. I love helping kids grow a bigger vision of their lives. I love metaphorically taking their blinders off to help them see a bigger, stronger, happier, and more confident future. I, like my father, know that kids do well with many positive influences.
If you are unsure who your mentors are then allow me to ask you more specific questions. I know I’m just writing into space, but feel free to get out a piece of paper and write down your thoughts to my questions.
Who are 3 girls and 3 boys that you look up to in your school? My dad would say it like this, “who are the sharpest girls and guys your age?” and then he would ask, “Why did you pick them?” This question is actually quite powerful because amongst the superficial comparisons it’s good to redirect your mind to who you truthfully admire. My teenage clients have been excellent at articulating about the kind, inclusive, hard working, honest, and self-confident kids they see in their schools. Being able to better understand your peers will help you in your future relationships and friendships. Ask yourself, why did these boys and girls make it on your list, and what can you learn from them?
Who are 10 adult mentors in your community you admire? Which adults around you are good examples of healthy relationships? Who has a career that sounds interesting? Which adults have a way of life, spend their time, or treat people how you want to? There’s a reason I want you to list 10 of them. It’s because finding awesome adult examples can be an extremely powerful force in your life. There’s nothing like knowing someone with a little more wisdom who has walked a little further than you. These adults will widen your perspective and can offer light to where things may feel dark. You do not need to crawl in darkness. Kids need to see real examples of healthy relationships, friendships, marriages, and interactions. They need examples of people working and living, with clean and peaceful homes, facing challenges, managing stress, following their dreams, growing their minds, and taking care of themselves. I can’t even express how grateful I am for the community of adults who I grew up observing and interacting with. My parents, grandparents, church leaders, aunts, uncles, older cousins, teachers, and friend’s parents helped me feel very capable of creating an awesome life. Once before I was married a neighbor threw a hero shower for me where I got to invite the women I emulated all into one space. It was a very powerful experience.
Who are 3 fictional characters that inspire you? What do you like about them? How do they inspire you to become a better person? This one is mostly for fun, but sometimes dramaticized fictional characters can be good examples as well. Your fictional characters could be from a movie or show. I would even categorize social media influencers and celebrities in this group considering the small and often rose colored window we see them in. NOTE: I find it incredibly important to clarify that I believe too many of us are obsessing and investing too much emotional energy into fictional or distant examples. I understand how it can be fun to dress up like movie characters, or have a good Edward vs Jacob debate, but when looking for examples and mentors I recommend finding them as close to home as possible. Our fictional worlds are injuring childrens’ ability to have healthy expectations, and develop REAL social, emotional, and physical skills. I know there are good cartoons, I follow some “influencers”, and I enjoyed the magic of the Harry Potter books, but I do not let them take precedence over my community and the real world. I want to help kids develop real skills, grow healthy relationships with actual people, and serve and thrive in the tangible physical world. The fictional world should NEVER replace your real one. My eye twitches a little when I ask clients about who they admire and they can only list celebrities or influencers. I’ve even wondered if celebrities ever look at their fans and think, “You’re awesome, but this is too much. You’re investing way too much energy, time, and money into me. I love you but you have a bigger purpose than to follow me so intensely.” I think Mickey Mouse should make a statement saying, “Thanks for the support, I appreciate the mickey ears, come to Disneyland any time, but the real world is awesome and waiting for you.” I don’t want to squander anyone’s passion or favorite movie or anything like that. There are many wonderful things in the world, just make sure you have some real examples to help you grow in the real world.
List 10 people that look up to YOU. It’s good to look forward, but be aware of your own influence as well. You are not an island. There are people in your classes, clubs, neighborhoods, communities, and families watching and following your example.
I just want to end this post by saying YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Like Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” I’m so grateful for my panel of mentors. There are so many wonderful people that have helped me along my way and I know there are wonderful people in your own communities ready to help you!
In honor of Easter weekend, I of course have to share my favorite example, the mentors of all mentors, my Savior, Jesus Christ. Words can’t express how I feel for this incredible friend and brother. I’m so grateful for the life he lived and gave for us. His love has sustained me, his example has led and taught me, and his sacrifice has saved me.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
Happy Easter