10 Tips For Parents with Kids Diagnosed with ADHD
In this post I won’t be talking about medication or diet (because that’s a whole other conversation). I want to focus this post on today about the skills and tools that I don’t often hear about, but believe in fiercely.
With that said let’s get going. I tried to put them in an order, but later found that pointless. They are all good and you will probably find some that you like more than others. My hope is that these are all insightful to you. I would love nothing more than to hear your perspectives, and tools that you love! Share your thoughts in the comments for other families to enjoy.
See Time: Many people struggle with time management because of their time PERCEPTION and emotions. Time can feel slow or fast. Sometimes I talk to clients about their schedule and they’ll say, “I don’t have any time,” or “I’m too busy,” but when we write it on paper they have hours of free time, other times kids are taking on one thing after another and when we write it down they find out that they don’t even have space for proper meals or 8 hours of sleep. I have experienced both of these at different points of my life. This is why I created a very visual hour by hour calendar that I now share with my clients. I wasn’t looking for some fun art project; I needed a schedule that allowed me to SEE what my time looked like. I love my schedule because it’s easy to see the big picture but also write in the tiny details. I used to think schedules killed spontaneity, but it is honestly what makes spontaneity freeing. People are always shouting at ADHD people, “Make a routine!”, but at least for me growing up no one was teaching me how. I had to figure it out. Which is why I now coach kids how to prioritize, plan, or break down tasks. A BONUS TIP for parents with younger kids is to have at least 1 analog clock around the house and take advantage of turning timers. Analog clocks, unlike digital clocks, SHOW time instead of say time. As a teacher I’m extremely surprised by how many of my older kids can’t tell time and therefore don’t use it well.
Exercise: I love the quote from Jim Kwik that says, “when the body moves, the brain grooves.” When I was struggling to turn in assignments in 5th grade my teacher would keep me in from recess. Even though I love this teacher and understand where she was coming from, it only added to my inability to focus. Moving your body is an essential tool to strengthen your brain. Kinesthetic learning is applied learning, and taking breaks from hearing information is what helps you store new material in your brain. I specifically love creative dance and cross lateral movements because it’s an incredible way to create new pathways across your brain.
Follow Their Strengths. Kids with ADHD can be kind of like border collies. If they don’t have a calling or are overly confined they might run around directionless. My family laughs about how our old border collie wrecked so much havoc that my parents tried giving him a weighted jacket to slow him down… but it only made him stronger. It really felt like we could see his muscles getting bigger. What the border collie needed was to fulfill its purpose of being a working sheep dog. He would do anything to move and groove including carry huge weights around. Likewise, when kids are put to work on something they love, they are super powerful. I’m not saying kids (with any kind of weakness) should give up on tasks not in their natural skill set, but celebrating and strengthening their talents is essential to help them find purpose and meaning.
Focusing Life Hack: While I do strongly believe in doing hard things, I don’t believe we should white knuckle it through life. This focusing life hack makes completing tasks much more enjoyable. How it works is whenever you do something on task, don’t follow an urge to be distracted, or do something difficult you give yourself a point. Your point system can look like a sticker chart or putting marbles in a bowl, but the simplest way I’ve found to do this is to just count tallies on a piece of paper. Throughout the day I will give myself points for drinking water, exercising, not looking at my phone, and staying focused on any tasks. Even though those points might seem silly (especially to older kids), they neurologically act as a little dopamine hit in the brain to motivate you to keep going. Focusing doesn’t feel good for most people but especially for people with ADHD because they aren’t getting as much dopamine in their brains for completing less interesting tasks.
Develop A Love Of Learning: Your child’s emotions are what motivate their actions so help them grow their love of themselves, school, and life! This was a huge step for me. I went from feeling frustrated to feeling curious and excited about school because of my dad. He loves to learn new things and has always been genuinely interested in what I’m learning. As a teen, he always asked questions about school and wanted me to teach him. While I might not learn things as easily as others I do feel that I enjoy learning more than many. Satisfaction in school can come from simple things like being proud of your notes, handwriting, communicating with your teachers, or teaching it to others. Moving through difficult things brings resilience, self-confidence, and pride. Your child’s opinions about school will be even more impactful than their struggles in school.
Let Them Fail: For your child to become self-reliant they need to know where they struggle. The life coach I go to always says, “fail faster.” There were many things about my own ADHD that I wasn’t aware of until I was an adult because my parents took care of them for me. I’ve also seen this with many clients. I had one client in particular who really thought he was self-reliant. He felt that he had his whole life under control, but really his mom was picking up all the pieces he was constantly dropping. This awesome loving mom wanted her child to succeed, but her child was too comfortable and was ready to take on more responsibility. Kids need to fail, to see their weaknesses, practice loving themselves, learn, and get back on the horse. It is especially common now for parents to come and ask schools to offer all kinds of modifications for their child, and while I do think these are sometimes helpful, sometimes they are asking communities to move around their child’s weakness instead of their child working about their own weaknesses.
Be Friends With Negative Emotions: Your child’s goals and dreams will require them to feel (not bury or overindulge in) negative emotions. Focusing for example is an emotion that doesn’t feel good. Distractions on the other hand do feel good; that’s why we follow them. Our world of distractions is here overdosing our brains with dopamine so now in order for us to accomplish our dreams we need to plan for and lean into negative emotions. Embracing negative emotions is a sign of self-confidence.
Muscle Memory Habits: People with ADHD usually thrive with strong habits, but struggle forming them. The more you can make necessary skills a habit for your child, the easier it will be when they get older. We all know that even small habits like brushing your teeth, making your bed, putting dishes in the dishwasher, doing your own laundry, or asking people if they need help can go a long way. Right now I’m interested in linking habits and cleaning as I go. Habits free up the brain and lesson anxiety. They are the roots to the wings of the fun ADHD spirit.
Eye Strengthening Exercises: There is a direct correlation between your eyes and your brain. For a month I went to a neurologist who told me exactly which areas in my brain were weak just from analyzing the movement patterns of my eyes. The more you strengthen your eyes the more you strengthen your brain. In class I say, “your ears follow your eyes.” because if I have a student who is looking around the room, he’s not listening to my instructions. This can look like reading, staring contests, tracing the length of a ruler at different angles with your gaze (not your head), fast games that force you to stay focused (like slap jack), or memory games. Have fun with it. At a wedding shower, my favorite elementary school teacher gave me lots of games. She said that games were the best way to learn.
Be Bored: I am a huge advocate for boredom! I will have to do a whole extra blog post about this one, but I like to say, “when you stop offering your brain information, it starts giving you information.” Boredom helps with learning, storing and sorting memories, processing thoughts and emotions, focusing, problem solving, and creativity. I’m all about quiet time, journaling, meditating, boring toys and shows, and free time!
BONUS TIP:
Focus on skills instead of results: As a society we are good at telling kids the results we want, but not teaching them the skills they need to get there. We tell them to get good grades, make friends, or get a job, but not the ‘how’. They need the TOOLS! Hence why I became a coach. I love giving them the tools to learn, focus, create a schedule, follow a schedule, communicate, prioritize, and love. Grades, jobs, and friends come when the emotions and skills are grown. If your kiddo is lacking the skills or the desire to hear you tell them what to do, then please reach out! I would love to help your kiddo develop the skills necessary to have a great academic, emotional, and social life.
Which of these tips would you like to learn more about? Are there things I didn’t touch on that you would like to hear about? Which tools have you practiced?